Positive Thinking Makes You Fat, Lazy and Broke

Positive Thinking Makes You Fat, Lazy and Broke

I remember it clearly. I was in my ‘form class’, sitting very uncomfortably opposite my designated ‘careers advisor’- who also happened to be my maths teacher, who I also happened to fucking hate! (I got an E grade for that)


School boy sat with an open book over his head.

Anyway, the discussion was about what I wanted to do with myself when I left school- you’ve probably had the same talk, right.

I’d long given up the idea of playing football for England and my genetics dictated to me that I had no chance of being a porn star.

I was telling him that I wanted to be a sports journalist. I wanted to travel the country and write about football. I’ve always loved football and still watch as much as I possibly can, both live here in Malaga, when I’m home in England and of course on TV.

His reply was typical at the time. ‘Your grades will be nowhere near good enough to get into college, you’re a class clown, you need to grow up and you’ll never achieve anything’

Well Fuck you Mr Wilson. I hope you’re reading this and indeed read all of my stuff ;-)


Cat reaching up in pose - Fuck You, I am Cat


On a serious note, Mr Wilson was right – I still fucked around, I didn’t get anywhere near the grades I needed to get into even our shitty local college and ended up in a shit job in a shit factory that I hated.

It wasn’t until several years later that I realised Mr Wilson did me a favour.

But I never actually grew up, I’m still the class clown. I still like to fuck around and have a laugh and I’m still immature but I have no problem admitting that. I’ve done okay for myself ;-)

4 years later, that chat with Mr Wilson was happening all over again.

I was in an office in that shit factory, with my boss at the time.

I’d just finished ‘serving my time’ on my 4 year apprenticeship and was handing my notice in.

I’d summoned up the courage and the huge testicles required to tell my parents first, then my boss that I was leaving my job, moving to Leeds and was going to study to become a personal trainer.

This tubby little shits reply was similar to Mr Wilson’s just 4 years earlier, in fact he laughed in my face.

Well, FUCK YOU Mr Hambleton (the lads I used to work with will be pissing themselves at this)

See, I’ve had shit like this my whole life. People who are probably meaning no harm, who are probably looking out for me and my interests.

Even my family were doubtful and cautious throughout times of my life when I was taking risks that I needed to take to get where I wanted to be.

So what’s this got to do with positive thinking?

Well, positive thinking got me NOWHERE.

I now live the lifestyle of my dreams out here in Marbella. I didn’t get here by asking the universe or believing my glass was always half full, nor did I achieve what I have by using positive affirmations or looking at vision boards (although I admit I have used a little of that stuff.)

I use EVERY ounce of negative feedback as fuel for my fire. (I’ve written VERY emotional articles about this)

This is NOT about ‘haters’ though. That stuff is old hat and not something I worry about.

This is just about people telling you what you don’t want to hear.

I have a saying I LOVE to tell myself that isn’t positive at all.

‘You CANNOT create change my telling people what they want to hear’

So I suppose I should be thanking my careers advisor and my old boss.

Back to the fueling of the fire.

Man doing fire breathing stuntI believe my ‘success’ – which is different for everyone and very subjective, is down to the fact that I have a deep, burning and insane desire to prove people wrong.



There’s NOTHING positive about that is there? Well, except for the outcome.


The ‘motivational guru’s will be turning in their graves!

I’d go so far as to say that if you throw my most negatively fueled, angry and pissed off self into a room full of ‘positive thinkers’ and happy clappy, high fiving smilers, I will destroy them.

Okay I might have taken it a bit far but I’ll certainly throw their meaningless, pretty ‘motivational posters’ in their face.


Picture of Willy Wonka - So you train do you? Please tell me your generic motivational quote now.

This shit is getting OLD man!


I’m joking there, I sometimes post that shit ;-)

If you’re reading my stuff for the first time you’re probably thinking ‘who is this cock?’

You can read a bit of my bio here-http://fitnesscampstarterkit.com

I’m not your typical ‘motivational person’ though.

I won’t tell you you’re amazing and can do anything you like.

I won’t tell you everything is wonderful.

Because shit happens.

People will fuck you over, let you down and tell you you can’t do what you like.

I WILL, however, tell you if you’re fucking up and I will be brutally honest with my feedback.

It’s up to you to prove my outspoken ass wrong!

Again, you may think I’m right, you may think I’m wrong.

Of course, it might depend on the individual, their conditioning and their history – ESPECIALLY their history.

What I’m really saying here is that you DON’T have to use ‘positive thinking’ to drive you on to greatness.

I don’t – although I am far from greatness…..

Your positive thinking stuff may be the stuff that stops you from getting where you want to go.

Maybe it’s time to get fucking angry with yourself for pissing around, maybe it’s time to get hacked off with the people who tell you you’ll ‘never make anything of yourself’- we’ve all heard that before right?

MANY great footballers have been driven by rejection and being told they aren’t good enough.

Ashley Young, who plays for Manchester United and England was told by Watford when he was 16 that he wasn’t good enough and he was too small. He’s done ok ;-)

In fact, I read in a magazine something cool recently.

The interviewer asked him:

“ What was your back up plan if you didn’t make it’

“I didn’t have one- I was going to make it’

“ So what was your plan B in case you got let go?”

“ I didn’t have one – I was going to do whatever it took”

“ What did you study, just in case you never got kept on?

“ Nothing, there was no Plan B, I knew I would make it. Plan B just gives people an excuse to not push as hard with Plan A.’

I LOVE that shit!

In fact a colleague of mine and brilliant speaker- Bobby Cappucio from http://bobbycappuccio.net pointed something out that will back up the ‘positive thinking makes you fat’ theory- and it’s VERY interesting

On his site he wrote –

In the January/February 2011 edition of Scientific American Mind, Winnie Yu reports that while neurotic behavior can increase an individual’s chances of losing weight, an attitude of optimism can, in fact, send someone’s health and fitness in the opposite direction.

 Psychiatrist C. Robert Cloninger of the Washington University School of Medicine has long studied the effect of personality traits on eating habits.

 His findings correlate with the published research of Dr. Hitomi Saito of Doshisha University in Japan. In a six-month study of 101 obese patients, Dr. Saito and his colleagues found that participants who tested high on optimism struggled with their weight loss goals far more than those individuals whose personalities were classified as more neurotic.

 The neurotic individuals tended to worry more about consequences and imaginatively magnify the possible residual effects. This trait led them to adhere more strictly to a dietary regime, as opposed to the more optimistic individuals who would more frequently go off their program believing that it would all work out for them.

 Another trait that impeded weight loss was that of agreeableness. Agreeable people were more prone to peer pressure, causing them to divert from their program, as opposed to more “difficult” personalities that were less concerned about hurting people’s feelings than they were avoiding consequences of their actions. These were individuals that would be more likely to stay on point even if it meant they had to, as Yu put it, “hurt mom’s feelings by saying no to her apple pie.”

 Another correlation that makes sense is likely attributed to activity of the dopamine pathways in the brain. Dr. Saito found a direct link between the degree to which a person scored on the trait of “novelty seeking” and those individuals Body Mass Index (BMI).

 Interesting huh?? very fucking interesting!!

You see, I think the ‘negative people’ were driven by fear.

It’s what you DO with fear that counts.

Some people let negativity and fear hold them back

 They try to counter it with positive thinking, even positive actions.

 I say fucking embrace it!

 Go to war with them both.

I shit myself on a daily basis, not actually of course – well not often anyway!

I do stuff that terrifies me.

I recently wrote a cheque for over 30 grand, for my next business venture.

That might not be much to some people, but for a daft lad from South Shields, that shit is fucking scary!

I’m terrified of failing but I do that shit anyway.

I do it to prove other people wrong but MUCH more importantly, to prove MYSELF WRONG, to prove my DOUBTS and FEARS wrong.

So FUCK YOU, motivational, cheesy smiling, happy clapping back-patters.

You bore me with your sickly bullshit.

Positive thinking COULD be the stuff that makes you sit on your ass and procrastinate.

Positive thinking COULD be the stuff that keeps you in that job you say you hate.

If it’s TRULY working for you, I mean TRULY working and taking you where you want to go at the speed you want to go…stick with it.

If it’s not, and only YOU can answer that from the bottom of your heart, then it may be time to stop fucking around watching the motivational videos on Youtube and sharing the motivational pictures on Facebook.

Prove ME wrong if you like ;-)

I’m telling you right here, right now that doing the whole ‘law of attraction’ and ‘everything is okay; thing could be the reason you’re still doing the same shit and earning the same money you were two years ago.

That isn’t for me.

So can you latch onto something negative?

Maybe shut me up?

Trainer in your town trying to compete with you?

Hustle your ass off and crush him

LOVE IT when people say you can’t – that shit can be better than people reassuring you that you can.

Family asking you when you’re gonna get a real job (I actually still get that)?

Be fucking relentless until you’re earning more than them all put together.

Scared what other people will say about your latest blog post or article?

Fuck ’em, they’re just bitter they ain’t got the balls to do that  oh and what they think of you is none of your business anyway!

It’s my belief that when people tell you that you can’t do something they’re actually telling you that they couldn’t do it.

My thoughts - ‘Well you ain’t me mother fucker’

Take that as you may.

I’m going to end this ‘rant’ or ‘ass kicking’ with a short story about an artist named ‘Lowry’.

You may have heard of him, the dudes pretty famous – he even has a bad-ass hotel named after him in his home city of Manchester.

Anyway, when he first put his paintings ‘out there’ the critics of contemporary art pretty much pissed themselves laughing at his work.

They slated him at every possible opportunity for trying to be more than he was (we’ve heard that shit efore right?).  They called him amateur and his work naive.

‘Who does this guy think he is?’ they said.

It was Lowry who had the last laugh though.

When his originals were eventually sold for millions he got his own back.

His exhibitions were later renamed by the man himself.

He dedicated them to ‘the men that laughed at Lowry’


Have a great day :-)

Paul ‘Fuck them all’ Mort




Facebook comments:


  1. Just Beautiful!!!
    Never knew that about Ashley Young – I am him, hate a Plan B! : – )

  2. brilliance, love it

  3. Great article Morty very thought provoking x

  4. Ha ha brilliant

  5. great great great post Mr Mort…having read it i realise that I have lived a very long time seeking the approval / praise of others, fearful of doing stuff and getting it wrong…got to be Mr Perfect.

    But in the time it’s taken me to read this post I’ve realised that almost everyone who i want approval from either has there head so far up their own butt that they don’t really notice what i’m doing or are themselves so scared of taking big action that they’d never approve of me taking a risk!

    Really powerful post mate…time to get angry with myself and go kiss some ass!!!


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